On the 7th of October 2021 I was away for our executive bosberaad (South African term for a strategy session). Strategy, planning, and budgets were the focus for two days.

Our marketing executive stood to share her review, as a great colleague of mine I wanted to show interest and encourage her with support.

So I changed my posture by leaning forward on the desk in front of me. My left arm went under my left breast, OUCH, that was sore (thankfully I didn’t verbalize my pain). Here I sat in a room with only six people, trying not to draw attention to myself (which thankfully I didn’t do) and felt my breast and there it was, a lump…a lump with pain.

How did I not notice this before? 

Is this that mild intermittent chest pain I have been feeling on and off for the last 2 months?

Is this a side-effect of having had COVID? (Yes I had COVID earlier in the year, another mind field…)

How long had it been there? 

Am I imagining this? 

The millions of thoughts were running through my mind. 

I was suddenly very aware something was not right with my left breast.

As I think most people do, I pushed it aside and tried my best to focus. Of course, it didn’t help that an hour later I got a message from my gynaecologist reminding me I’m due for a check-up (at this point the Alanis Morrissette song Ironic seems very apt). Throughout the day every time I went to the bathroom or had a private moment I checked, was I imagining it, is this really happening. Every time the lump and tenderness was there.

It’s strange how now the brain kicks in, you question, doubt your own senses, talk yourself out of what you are feeling. Cause let’s be honest every woman fears breast cancer. In my case, maybe I fear it more than most, as I watched my mom’s sister die from it when I was in my late teens.

Regardless the fear was real, but I also didn’t want to accept it.

So, we came home from our strategy session, and in case you haven’t noticed, the month of October is breast cancer awareness month, I couldn’t ignore it. I phoned and made my gynaecologist appointment. Knowing however, because who gets an instant gynaecologist appointment, my booking would only be in four weeks’ time. I convinced myself that was ok, I could wait. Haha…yeah right.

13 days later Wednesday the 20th of October I woke up determined to make my GP appointment. My breast was still very sore, and I wasn’t prepared to mentally push myself worrying. Rather know than not know, right? 

My GP was very encouraging, she really took the stance of do not panic I’m sure this is just a fibroadenoma or a cyst, nothing to worry about. However, she did notice I had done a mammogram not so long ago (12 + months back) and all was clear. I am however now 40, which is young, and you have a family history, so we have to be careful, off you go for a sonar to be safe. 

So off I went down the road to the hospital radiology centre for a sonar. They took me to the woman’s clinic section which was very welcoming. We completed the sonar, and I was asked to wait in the waiting section for the radiologist. 

The radiologist appeared and explained to me he would like to do a mammogram as well. The mammogram would provide more detail, however, from what he has already seen he feels we may need to do a biopsy on the lump. The mammogram can confirm this and if I want, I can go discuss the biopsy first with my GP. I thanked him for the option but quite honestly felt he is the specialist, if after the mammogram he feels we need a biopsy then lets biopsy. 

Many people have asked me how I felt at this stage, in reality I was ok, in my mind they were just being thorough, and I was going to be ok. 

We did the mammogram and sure enough we needed to do a biopsy. 

Now things started getting a bit real, suddenly we were talking about anesthetising the breast, having to make a small cut into the breast so the biopsy gun (yes gun) can shoot into the tissue and retrieve samples of the lump. Oh, and we have to shoot it three times as we need 3 samples. 

Turns out the gun sounds scarier than it was, yes it shoots and makes some noise but thanks to the local anaesthetic, it was painless. At this point though I also need to commend the radiologist and his team as they were so kind, caring, and very supportive through this entire process. 

The radiologist used the sonar for visual of where the lump is and shot the gun, checked I was ok and repeated the process two more times. When he was finished, he checked I was ok and then very kindly talked to me. He held up my tissue samples, which looked like 3 white worms in a clear specimen cup and asked me if I can see them sitting at the bottom. I of course said “Yes” to which he explained the fact that they are sitting and dropped to the bottom so quickly means there is density. He added this is not a good indicator and based on the fact he can also see what they call microcalcifications on the mammogram I should prepare myself.

I need to pause at this moment and just explain what happened here. Some people might be thinking “Oh my how can he say that, surely he shouldn’t have said anything.” Radiologists are not supposed to talk about results or outcomes to patients.

I need to let you know, for me this was one of the most appreciative moments. Firstly, the way in which this radiologist spoke and explained everything to me was so caring, it really came from a kind person. Secondly, I’m a facts person, I don’t know why I got him as the radiologist on this day, but I honestly am so glad I did. He gave me detail, and insight that for me as a person, was what I needed, it helped me a lot over the upcoming weeks. He explained how his wife had breast cancer 20 years ago and he personally has experienced how scary and hard it can be, but it can be beaten. 

After we completed the biopsy, he then advises when I am dressed, he would like to show me my scans. I got dressed and went to look at my scans, he showed me my right breast which had some cysts which are normal and nothing to worry about and then showed me the left breast and the lump. 

It is incredible to see, the technology and the fact we have advanced so much, to be able to see into our bodies like this, should not be underestimated. 

The radiologist explained and showed me when you see a cyst it is a clear almost perfectly formed circle, he explained however that on the lump in the left breast this is not the case. The lump we have biopsied almost spreads out, like veining or light spreading from the edging. This is one of the reasons he wanted to biopsy, this veining is generally an indication the lump could be a concern. Added to the formation of the lump he showed me two very white bright spots on the lump, they almost looked like the image was scratched they were so clear and bright. These spots are termed microcalcification and this is a concern as it could indicate that the lump is changing.